Mel’s Mob, what’s up?! First things first, are you signed up for the MC Weekly newsletter? If not, make sure you head over after reading and sign up; I’d hate for you to miss the goodies I send out each week! 

Now, let’s talk about love! 

Quick background story: My boyfriend Isa and I met though my sorority sister and her husband New Year’s Eve 2017. He’d been checking me out and basically told our friends to set it up! Y’all, I was SO over dating, so when my friend told me about Isa, I brushed it off with the quickness. I was like yeah, yeah…whatever! I didn’t ask to see a picture or anything, which is so not like us–women want the run down as soon as we can get it, LOL!  Anyway, he asked for my number on New Year’s Eve, and we’ve been stuck like glue ever since. 

Falling in love after being single for sooooo long is quite the journey, and when it comes when you least expect it (like mine), honey, it sweeps you off your feet! 

I’ve learned so much about compromising, being selfless, love languages, time, communication…every day I’m learning something new about how to keep this love going strong. And many of the lessons were toughies, especially after being single for 5 years!

Of all the lessons, these are the 5 that stand out the most:  

1. Patience: I’ve never been the patient type; I can say that I’ve ALWAYS been quite an impatient woman. If I couldn’t have something right when I want it, trust, there would be a problem! God slowly but surely taught me that HIS timing is always right. I would get so impatient with wanting to be in love and finding my forever person, but God had a plan all along. He was setting me up! LOL. The 5 grueling, lonely years I spent solo dolo, God was testing me in order to show me what exactly lived on the other side of patience. This past year of being in a relationship has taught me that patience is key!  

2. Selflessness: I mean, sure, I have an amazing family with siblings and cousins, but as I got older, I found myself being a little selfish! And while a healthy dose of selfishness is important when it comes to your time and energy, there’s a whole new level of selflessness that a relationship requires. Giving Isa my time and being available to him is something that’s important to me, and exactly HOW to do that is something that he’s taught me within this past year. He’s aways available and thinking of me before himself, and I’ve learned to follow his lead. 

3. Communication: This was HUGE for me and something that was a huge MISS in my past relationships. I would hold things in and not express how I feel at the moment, which always led to bottled up anger and ultimately, an outburst. Well, honey, they say you get what you pray for, right? My boo’s communication skills are on 1,000! He pulls it out of me; we talk about literally anything under the sun. Sometimes we probably overshare, but I wouldn’t change a thing about it! Being this open and never having to hold my tongue is new for me, and I’ve learned to love how healthy it is for a relationship, even when the conversations are difficult! It’s truly at the foundation of a great relationship; without it, you have nothing! Whew!

4. Love Language: Do you know your love language? Have you taken the test? We have! I thought I knew it all, but all this time I was giving love how I wanted to receive it; not how my partner needs it. Maybe that’s why my ass was single for 5 years! LOL! Isa and I completed the Love Language assessment and found out I like acts of service, while he’s all about words of affirmation. He can do the simplest thing, such as taking out the trash or helping me with Kicks & Fros orders, and I’m as happy as can be! And I make sure to show my appreciation, or give words of affirmation. Once we learned this about each other, loving has been so, so easy.

5. Courting: This was the biggest thing I learned this year. All that Tinder dating, going out with guys from the past, and hitting up time-wasters because I wanted to hang out are OVER! From the beginning, I knew I didn’t have to call Isa to see if he wanted to hang out. He let it be known from the beginning: I’m interested in you and this is what I’m looking for! I didn’t have to call my friends and say, “Girl, do you think he’s thinking about me?” or “Should I text him?” It was such a breath of fresh air! And he’s still courting me today. We go on dates, FaceTime all night and fall asleep on the phone like little kids when I’m out of town, and every time I come back in town I have flowers waiting on me! 

Photography by: Brandon Grate

Now, I’m no love doctor, but between my girlfriends who were in my single gal shoes, are looking for love, or embarking on a new relationship, I find myself talking about these lessons a lot lately. I didn’t know what it would be like when I would finally date again, but it’s been better than my wildest dreams! I had a lot of unhealthy things to unlearn and terrible habits to break, but I’m open to living, learning, and loving.

*P.S. – Women always DM me and ask me about the prayer I prayed before Isa came into my life. Every prayer is different, but I CAN say: be intentional and SPECIFIC about the type of man you want to date when asking God for him. Write down qualities you want and don’t want, pray for him regularly (if prayer’s your thing), and also (AND THIS IS IMPORTANT) have the courage to walk away from men who aren’t lining up with things you TRULY want in a man. Wasting your time on the wrong ones because you’re so eager to get into a relationship will cause you to miss out on THE ONE!

Most importantly, make sure you’re prepared and ready for what you’re asking for and can bring to the table the things you actually want in a man. Because when he comes, baby, you want to welcome him with open arms. I sure did! 

XOXO,